I’m told that the fastest way to start a fight is to make an assumption. In my experience, I know this to be true. I see it with my clients all the time. We see it very clearly playing out on the world stage right now.
Assumptions have a sneaky way of breaking connections, both with ourselves and with others. They pull us away from what we really need and drop us into judgment, characterization, or blame. When we assume, we hand over responsibility for our feelings to someone else, often without meaning to. It slams the door on curiosity and understanding. Check out the “Try It at Home” section below for ideas and a practice on how to reopen a door that has been shut tight by assumptions.
Try This At Home →
Assumptions can create barriers between us and those we care about. We inadvertently judge others or guess intentions, leading to misunderstandings and conflict.
Consider this scenario:
| One partner in a relationship shares something personal, and the other partner gets up and leaves. The first partner might think, “You’re not listening; you must not care.” These thoughts are assumptions that often lead to defensiveness rather than understanding. |
A slight shift in perspective can change this dynamic. Instead, try saying, “I’m not feeling heard right now. Are you interested in what I am sharing?” This approach focuses on personal experience, opening the door to better communication and understanding.
Here are some strategies from our team to help you navigate conversations without making assumptions:
- Speak from “I”: Express your feelings without guessing the other person’s intent. For example, say, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you.”
- Ask Questions: Gather more information before jumping to conclusions. You might ask, “What happened? I was expecting a call.”
- Needs Check-In: Reflect on your own needs and how to communicate them. Ask yourself, “What is my need right now? How can I share that?”
These simple changes can transform how we connect with others and avoid conflict. Practice these strategies at home and notice any changes in your relationships.
Ready to learn how to find more connection with your partner?
Small shifts in communication can make a big difference. Schedule a couples counseling session with Aurisha Smolarski or with one of our skilled team members and start creating the understanding you both deserve.